This was my experience, airborne near Hollister (CA) inbound to Salinas (CA) airport, SNS:
Me: "Oakland Flight Watch, Aircoupe 1234, ten east of Hollister. Please give me current Salinas weather."
OAK: "Aircoupe 1234, Oakland Flight Watch. What's the identifier?"
Me: Salinas identifier is SNS."
OAK: "I know what the identifier for Salinas is. I need the identifier for your location near Hollister."
Me: I don't know the identifier for Hollister. Just please give me the weather at Salinas."
OAK: "The computer won't let me give you the Salinas weather unless I tell it where you are with an identifier."
Me: Disregard my request. I'll call on my cell phone. It doesn't care where I'm at!"
Student Pilot: "I'm lost; I'm over a lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
Controller: "Ohh-kaaay then. That lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to
the big W... immediately."
Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. As she started past him, he began to breathe a sigh of relief, when all of a sudden she hesitated, then turned back toward the captain. She said, "Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?"
...Almost a clean get-away!
Q: What's the purpose of the propeller?
A: To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!
The traffic was heavy, and the weary local controller had apparently heard all the "blocked" and "stepped on" responses he could take when he made this transmission...
ATC: "How come every time I key my mic, some idiot starts talkin'?"
If God had meant man to fly, he would have given him more money.
ATC: Say altitude
Pilot (feeling frisky): altitude
ATC: Say ALTITUDE
ATC: Say 'Canceling IFR'
Pilot: Level 8000
Just goes to show, never mess with the Man!
Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the runway!"
Pilot Trainee: "Roger" (pilot continues approach)
Tower: "Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!"!
Pilot Trainee: "Roger"
The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to a
twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and
continues to the taxiway
Cessna: Bay Approach, Cessna 12345 over South County Airport at four thousand feet, request permission to land at San Jose.
Bay Approach: Cessna 12345, Squawk 4567, and do you have Hotel? (the current SJC ATIS)
Cessna: Negative, we're going to stay with my sister-in-law.
American 123: Does your sister-in-law have any extra rooms?
Do you need reservations?